Affairs…why?
Stats:
45-50% of women will have some type of affair.
50-60% of men will also have some type of affair.
All affairs are not just about sex. Some people are searching for a connection that they do not have at home or anywhere else in their lives for that matter.
56% of men who have affairs claim to be happy in their marriage. The biggest reason they have an affair? For the sex and then the emotional connection; however, most spend a month or more developing the emotional connection before moving toward having sex.
Only 34% of women who had an affair were happy in their marriage. The biggest reason women have the affair? For the emotional connection, this then sometimes leads to sex.
68% of people who have had an affair feel guilty about it, never thought they would end up in such a situation and wish they had not done it.
60% of affairs start at work, meaning that those who are bringing home most of the money are the ones who are more vulnerable to emotional affairs.
Most people will have an affair with someone they know.
There is a search that dwells deep within. It is set up from early in our childhood and affects how we act, what we choose to do and how we conduct our daily life. Take a moment to really look at your partner. If you do not have one right now, think about the partners you have been attracted to. Who are they most like from your childhood? Do you recognize their behaviors that are similar to your father, mother, and siblings, or someone else that helped raise you? It is pretty common that we gravitate towards the known, someone or something familiar. We do this because it is actually in our body chemistry and until we learn about that inner mind set, we will always be searching and longing for something other than our own self thought and healing.
Why then do we have affairs? Because most of us are not fulfilled with the person we are and we are not courageous enough to do the hard inner work that heals any deep wounds from the past. We have become accustomed to shoving the pain down, to shut up and do as we are told, to be quiet about anything emotional that will rock the boat so-to-speak. Or on the other end of the spectrum we are loud, obnoxious, self-absorbed and don’t care about others true feelings.
Raising children to be able to voice when something is wrong and for them to have a person or people that they can depend on to validate their truths and to show them how to heal the injuries that have been made to their mind and heart is a start.
We, as a society though, are still steeped in the tradition of hiding, not saying, pushing down emotion, ignoring our truths, and this causes tremendous damage to our way of dealing with life.
So, if we cannot speak our truth, due to a vast array of fears dwelling within and most that we are not even aware of, to the person who is supposed to be our partner, then we push them down and search out someone who we feel comfortable with.
Mostly it starts out innocently enough. As I stated above, the majority of the time, we are not even aware that we are headed into the danger zone. We just think we have finally found a person who is interested in us. That feeds the ego, heart and mind body connection and creates a set of chemical reactions that become addictive.
Have you ever noticed how much easier you breathe when you are on that “high” when around that new person? Mmmmhhhhmmmm… it is a real chemical reaction that affects how you think, react and be.
Most of us have experienced that it is much easier to connect with another and feel that “high” instead of working on healing whatever is within that is needy and needs healing. So we keep the connection and the conversations going, it is fun, it is exciting, and who doesn’t like that? Eventually, and not that far into the emotional affair, an addictive behavior kicks in and before we know it, we are in over our heads, possibly crossing the sexual line, feeling guilty as all get out, but in so deep we cannot and do not want to let go.
Affairs are never about the other person, it is always about our own inner self and its capacity to handle itself. Growth within is the best place to start. So, if you find yourself longing for someone to “complete” you, please, please, please, reach out to me so that I can show you how to “complete” yourself first. It is the only way to true happiness, contentment and love. It really is.
I know this to be true because I have done all of the above and I did the inner work and now understand that every man, my husbands included, were teachers to me. I had a roller coaster of a life, which leveled out with my second husband. That was a beautiful thing. However, there was more for me to understand. I fought tooth and nail to stay the same, but things shifted, thoughts changed, growth happened, things that I did not understand at the time were thrust upon my existence. And after all of that, I now grasp the understanding that until any of us look within to heal and learn to love Self, there is not going to be a contented, joy filled, happy life. It just isn’t.
Click the button below to schedule your Free 30 Minute Discovery Session. Ask all the questions you want. I will listen, validate and hold sacred space for you. If after the 30 minutes we decide that we are a fit to work together, then we will move forward towards creating the life you really want.
Schedule AppointmentLove & Joy & Fun,
Rhonda